It Was Less Cliché When I Was Thinking to Myself

Times Remembered, 2022

I have a job that I go to on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last Tuesday, when I was there, my mind wasn't in the right headspace to focus on what I was supposed to be doing, so I decided to leave early. When I asked my boss, they asked if I was sick. I said yes, which wasn't completely truthful but also not a complete lie. The office was chilly from days of winter rain, and my body was achy.

Today was my first day back after leaving early. When I got in, my boss asked if I was feeling better. I said yes. Since then, I felt obligated to pretend I was still a little under the weather. And a few hours later, I actually started feeling like my throat was tight, like I was getting a cold, and a headache started coming on, which worried me.

I'm sure lots of people have experienced this before - when you lie and say you're sick, you really do start feeling the sickness in your body, the mind’s falsehoods made real. Studies prove such theories, though typically for achieving dreams or success. Simply believing can help to make it physically so. Like how just picturing yourself working out can actually help your muscles grow. Students who took the time to imagine themselves answering questions correctly and feeling confident performed better compared to those who didn't mentally rehearse in this way. The mind, it seems, can make the body sick or strong, fail or succeed, depending on the seeds planted.

It got me thinking about how hard it is just to believe in myself and what I want. While making dinner, I tried telling myself I'm going to make it happen, I'll get where I dream of being, and I'll look back on this time. Insecurity and doubt still prowled in the background. Authentic self-trust is hard-won. But I trudge on with this ritual of boosting my ego, for it feels like self-belief is the only weapon I have against the obstacles and challenges I face. And I dream of telling others one day - Believe in yourself, because if you don't, who else will?